Thursday, November 3, 2011

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

You've Got Mail

Eden was very familiar with my family so when I decided to take a weekend trip home a few weeks later I invited him and my roommate to join me, and I wanted them to drive. I was a horrible driver and extremely lazy on the road. He agreed and so did the roomie and Friday after work we hit the road.

Once in VA I immediately caught up with friends and hung out and it was a smooth sailing weekend. On Saturday night we were at my Nana's house and I noticed Eden had left his phone in the kitchen by the sink. So stupid, all he needed was for water to hit it and BAM phone destroyed. I picked it up and a light immediately flashed on letting me see the screen. It was a picture of a girls boobs. Curiosity got the best of me and I started to see who had sent it or was it from a porn site of some sort but then the phone began to ring and a Maryland number flashed on the screen. Just my luck he ran to the kitchen hearing it and it definitely looked like I had been snooping with his phone in my hand. He made quick eye contact with me and got the phone, glanced at the screen, and silenced it. I hated when guys did that cause now I was super curious.

"Whose chest is that on your phone?" I asked, and he just looked confused "Titties, Ta-Ta's, breast? Ring a bell?"

He smirked at me "Jaycee that's what you get for being nosey its from that Girls Gone Wild website."

Did I look dumb nothing about that picture was professional, that was a personal image and I told him so and of course he denied it "Ill go online right now Jaycee and show you the site, its not that serious."

"Well do it then" I dared him knowing he had expected me to say no.

"Okay, okay its not from a site, a girl I was seeing before me and you started hanging back out sent it." he admitted. Same liar different day, I thought to myself.

I dropped the subject for now and went to find Dana, I told her what had went down and later when Eden was napping we like the girls we are attacked that phone, and boy did he lie! Eden and "mystery girl" had been sending picture mail all day of various body parts, the nerve of him to be out of town with me entertaining the next chick.

As we were browsing that Maryland number popped up again and this time I noticed it was the same number the pictures had been sent from. Without thinking I answered, I had to know who she was. Even tho I already knew he had lied the more information I had the better.

"Hello" I answered as me and Dana stepped onto the front porch just in case this got ugly.

"Whose this?" the girl said with much attitude.

"Jaycee, and you are?"

"Not calling for you, wheres Eden?" she replied. She had some nerve getting smart with me.

"In my bed sleep Ms. Porn Star sending ya coochie through a text message, we got a good laugh off of that one, you don't think guys share those pictures, have some respect for yourself!" I shot back. Dana was right there egging me on, instead of encouraging me to end the call before this went to far. Meanwhile the girl was going off and before I could respond the phone was snatched out of my hand.

"Jaycee what the hell is wrong with you?" Eden.

I didnt even care that I'd been caught so I began to yell about how he lied and how disrespectful that was to be doing that while he was with me. He didnt budge and that made me madder "SAY SOMETHING!"

"Are we together? If we are together Ill call her right now and tell her dont send anything else and that will be that, if we arent then Im not doing anything wrong" he compromised.

I didn't want to be Eden's girlfriend again, it just wasn't smart, but I was so pissed that I hadn't got the last word in with old girl that I was desperate for Eden to call her back and put her in her place. Was it worth me settling again just for this girl to look stupid once he basically told her she couldn't contact him because of me? I decided it was or better yet pride decided for me. So Eden kept his word and told her, and she went off again. Apparently she knew exactly who I was and that I was the ex, and she had probably asked him before was he sure we were through. She went on and on and told Eden his clothes would be in the dumpster.

"You've got clothes at this chicks house, what the crap Eden?"

He didn't respond, I guess he felt he didn't owe me and explanation at this point and once we were back in Maryland he stopped at her house and she hadn't put his things in the trash but they were on her front lawn. This was pathetic, nevertheless I hon won myself a boyfriend, and I use the term VERY loosely!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Hey Babygirl

Eden called instead of texting me back. "Babygirl!" (his nickname for me) "Def glad you hit me baby, I had plans but you know if you want me Ill cancel them for you!"

That should have been a red flag, this was way too easy, but nope poor lonely Jaycee happy to be feeling wanted again fell right into script "Yea cancel them and take me out!"

Eden didnt drive so I agreed to come get him once I got off work and we would do dinner and a movie, we couldnt do each other tho that would really be freaky of me!

I pulled up at Edens run down townhouse he rented with a friend and blared down on my horn I didnt want to go in and I had told him I was close so he should be paying attention. Of course that was too much like right, it took Eden almost 20 minutes to head outside, he was never ready I hated that, he had gotten off 4 hours ago and still wasnt prepared. Some things never changed.

He was dressed neatly tho in a fitted hat, a nice sweater and leather, and designer jeans and boots. Eden always dressed nice and he always bought me nice things to wear, that was a plus. He got in and I think more out of our old routine we gave each other a peck. Dinner flowed smoothly as we had alot to catch up on and I never ever had a problem talking to him. I was 100% comfy around this guy, idk if it was because we had been in a relationship for so many year or what but he def had my heart.

After the movie I went to my place and got clothes and agreed to spend the night, he claimed he just wanted to "hold me". He kept his word and everything was fine until those dreadful snores starting up. I had a rought night because everytime I fell asleep his loud behind was waking me up sounding like a grizzly bear.

I was cranky as crap the next morning and he didnt even walk me out as I left for work. I loved Edens company but some of his mannerisms sucked, overall tho that was the least of my worries clearly with these other guys I had been dealing with things could be alot worst.

I hung out with Eden for the next few days and I have to admit the worst thing about it was our nights, everything else was smooth sailing. I hadnt dropped Keith yet but I made it clear we were not sexing again. I didnt really have the time to talk to him in the evenings after work because I was with Eden, Keith knew something was up but that just made him more attentive at work trying to figure me out. Let him suffer!

I felt better now, I had evened the score, I was back on top! Now Im going to attempt to be Eden to sleep and hope this night will be a restful one................. NOT!

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Day After

The worst part of the next day wasn't the hangover I felt, it was knowing I had to see Keith. I didn't know how to act or what to say or anything and I didn't know why I was panicking either. It was pissing me off major and I knew I would be in one of my bitchy Gemini moods all day. Hopefully he would feel awkward too and leave me be.

Didn't happen!

At lunch Keith strolled over looking all dapper like all was right with the world.

"What ya doing for lunch babes?"

I just shrugged.

"Well lets go out" he offered. I looked at him long and hard and decided what the heck my nerves had kept me from having an appetite all day so I was definitely starving. I was just freaking out now because Keith ALWAYS went out for lunch and he NEVER invited me.............. until now. I guess my lay was worth a Chic-Fil-A meal. He paid for our food and we had meaningless conversation. I think with all the events I had lost my interest in Keith, something changed. I didn't know what it was and I didn't care either.

Back at work I sent a text to Tosh alerting her that I had effed up the night before and she immediately called.

"Did you use protection?"

"No.............. it happened to quick, shoot I didn't even think about that!" I whined.

"Jaycee! You don't even know this guy, first your in a happy hour drinking shots galore, then you let him inside your apartment, he could have just dropped you off he didn't need to come in, then you let him raw you! What is that city doing to you?"

I sighed, I had left Virginia a virgin swearing I was waiting until marriage. Clearly that didn't happen. Then I convinced myself I would marry Eden (remember that's the ex) so it was OK for us to do it, but clearly that didn't happen, but Keith, well Tosh was right I don't really even know him on that level personally so I had no excuses "I don't know Tosh I feel so stupid right now and we went out for lunch and he acted all normal but I just felt weird I'm so pissed at myself."

"Well its too late now, its over and done with, you aren't a dummy Jaycee you just make bad decisions it happens, hell look at me!" Tosh said. Tosh had a live in boyfriend, I didn't know him that well he had popped up in her life out of nowhere. But I did know her ex VERY well, who she still had sex with, her ex was the guy she came up with on my birthday with Fred! Ugh at the mention of that player. But Tosh couldn't pick, she loved her boyfriend because he was a little more refined and hardworking, where her ex was in and out of jail and just wanted to party and drink. Yet she couldn't leave him alone!

We made more small talk and I ended the call when my lunch was over. I had been making very poor guy decisions every since I dropped Eden. Maybe I should give him a call. He never made me feel this way we just argued over the littlest things, but maybe we could talk things over and try again, I knew that was back tracking but anything was better then the track record I was building up now, it had to be.

I grabbed my cell again and scrolled to Edens number and typed up a quick text:

Hey stranger, its been a while we should meet up and catch up. Free later?

Hope that wasn't another bad decision!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Not my goodies!

A few weeks later not much had changed in my world and Keith had called and asked did I wasn't to go to a happy hour. I was SO not a drinker and he knew that but clearly I changed alot of my ways for him so I just said ok. We met up at "Friday's" and at first I just ordered a shrimp and fries mill and watched him drink and listened to him talk............... as usual. I was on my phone looking at my Facebook page and pretending to listen. I mean I wanted to listen but I still had that one sided thing going on with him and it bothered me.

After I ate he finally got over himself for a sec and begged me to take a shot of Patron with him. I said no about five times before giving in and just getting it over with so he would shut up. That shot was a big no-no it relaxed me and I started running off at the mouth and before I knew it we were on shot #2.

By now I'm really speaking my mind and telling Keith how I hate drinking and more so because it makes me really horny. So you can imagine that being music to his ears! Any guys ears really that would have been in this situation. I wasn't a virgin but I had been being celibate since me and Eden had broken up and I had vowed that the next guy I slept with would be no other then my hubby.

I had explained this all to Keith before when we had first began talking and that had NEVER stopped him from trying his luck on every single one of our numerous sleepovers. UGH! I hated that. I would be trying to sleep because I start my day at 5 a.m and soon as all the lights are out I'll feel a hand roam my body, lips on my neck, and so on. I'm basically like "seriously?" Number one we were in his parents house, basement or not it was still theres, and number two were you deaf or dumb when I delivered my celibate speech. I always managed to get him to leave me alone tho but it was still annoying that he didn't respect my feelings.

Any who so we are at Fridays and while he has had way more drinks then me hes a drinker while I'm not so by the third shot, he was guiding me to his car and saying he would just stay the night at my apartment................. which hes NEVER done. I really didn't want to leave my car and I had work in the morning but I was in no condition to drive so I did as told.

When we got to my place Keith wasted no time in smothering me with kisses and "helping" me out my clothes. I was down to a bra and panties as I climbed into my bed dizzily and he sauntered in behind me. I just wanted to close my eyes but of course his hand got to exploring and somehow my body seemed to react. I wanted to say stop but my mouth wouldn't move, probably because every time I went to speak he let his lips devour mines.

Thirty minutes later I was completely sober and up on my bed with my chin to my knees and my comforter covering my body. Keith was napping I guess and I was dumbfounded on how he had got me to have sex with him. I knew how but I felt like it was a set up. I sat upright until he finally woke up and got dressed.

"Your leaving?" I asked.

"Yea babe, we have work in the a.m, and I don't have any clothes with me anyway." he looked everywhere but my eyes as he spoke. That lil punk knew he was in the wrong . I thought about my car stranded at the Fridays and wondered if he even remembered.

On cue he went "So you wanna run and get your car or you're fine to get it?"

I wanted to yell out was i suppose to effin walk? And this was his whole set up anyway. I nodded my head not even knowing what that answer meant and he took that as a no and jetted out of there.

That's when the tears came falling, I felt so used. I had been working so hard at my celibacy and lost it to that loser. Of all the things I could have gave him I gave him my goodies. Have you ever just felt defeated and you knew somwthing was wrong and would hurt you but you slipped up anyway, well I felt 10 times worst then that. He was not even the guy that made my tummy bubbly inside, or made me smile, or went out his way to do nice things. He was just........ a guy. I beat the bed with my fists and cried "Not my goodies":(

Friday, December 10, 2010

Im still human.................

Call me dumb, but I gave in to Fred antics. I knew he was lying, I knew that girl and him were something but I did believe that she was an ex. He told me she had come over in the middle of the night and his mom had let her in and she must have went through his phone. He told me that his mother and her were really close even after their break-up so she still came by and stuff. Whateverrrrrr, I wanted to tell him.

I decided what was the harm in chatting with the guy I was not going to marry him or anything clearly he was a player so we could play each other. Over the next few months we kept in contact and so did his girlfriend. She wanted to throw in my face every single time they had contact. She was always calm and eventually admitted they weren't actually a couple but he still treated her as number one. I kept trying to tell her it wasn't like that and I never told him she called and neither did he. It was a big game to me, and she was actually funny to listen to she told me all their business and the most interesting stories. I cant count the times she would call during my work hours and talk for hours continuously. She was clearly still in love, but for her to be so much older she was so childish, we were not friends for her to be dishing out her life story and whatnot.

I'm sure I was just lonely. Keith was blah for the moment and we never had anything to talk about I mean he did and I listened. But when it was my turn I always felt like his mind drifted and I hated that. It was so one-sided when it came to us and I was kind of use to at least being paid SOME attention, definitely not ignored! Keith was a good cuddle buddy, he still stayed at home too, he was saving for a house and lived in the basement, I went over every now and then and laid up but as much as I tried to fall for him I felt like I was always having to prove myself. He was a bit more refined then me so I tried to show him I could be too. He liked politics so as much as I didn't care I sat and listened and BS'ed my way through conversations surrounding that. He liked hardcore rap so I listened to songs on end to show I could be down. He thought I didn't dress up enough at work so I switched my wardrobe up to strictly office attire. I had never dressed bad I was just good at dressing a jean up, but he felt like jeans were for Fridays only so that's what I conformed too! I had to get a grip, this wasn't even my guy and here I was changing already. I had never done that before, it was take me how I am or leave me so I definitely needed a break from Keith asap!

Summer left and Winter approached and I got my break when I went home for the Thanksgiving holiday. Fred was so hype to have me in his vicinity and invited me and my friends out. I was game and so were they. We got dolled up and I put on all my designer wear and hit the club. He bought us a VIP section complete with champagne bottles and we danced the night away. Every now and then I danced with him but not too much Fred wasn't the cutest and I was sober, plus he smoked cigarettes and the smell was the utmost turnoff. It made me want to vomit! After the club we all went to eat and then to an after hours place, he tried to get me to come stay the night with him but I wasn't having it. Sure enough when I got home the "girlfriend" was calling. "I guess you turned him down because he just called and said he's on his way here and I know your in town". I hung up on her and went to sleep. I didn't have time for their crap tonight I was too tired.

I decided I had had my fun with Fred though and it was time to cut him and his sidekick loose, it was fun while it lasted but all he could offer was good convo and a VIP section at the club, that wouldn't last so i cut my ties and igged him the rest of my vacay. I enjoyed my family and friends and had a ball. I mean yeah I slipped back into Fred before and I don't regret it, I mean after all, I'm still human!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

New Post Below & Authors Note!

I took a long break I know, I didnt think it would matter because Im not sure if anyone is on to reading it yet, if so no problem let me know and Ill definitely get on a more frequent posting schedule!

Thanks in advance :)